I’ve been in law, business ownership, business development, project management, and now the coaching space for the past 15 years. I don’t say that to toot my own horn. I say that to put into perspective what I am about to say: it’s high time we stop pretending that basic hygiene is functional self-care.
Honestly, it’s trite, and even borderline offensive to convey that whatever you are struggling with is so minuscule, so insignificant, it can be solved with some bubbles, either in a glass or in a tub, or both.
Can taking a shower or a bath function to soothe you? Of course, they can. Science indicates showers are more helpful to ease depression than baths, because of both the sound of water flowing, as well as the sensation of water running over our skin. Warm baths are more helpful than showers in helping you fall asleep easier, because of the temperature swings in getting out of the bath, getting dry, and then getting under your covers.
Hygiene can be of assistance, yes. But it’s high time we stop pointing to hygiene or spa time as realistic self-care.
Because it’s not.
You can’t use external solutions to solve internal problems. It’s like the little Dutch boy trying to keep the flood back with his hand in the dam. Eventually, no matter how well-intentioned you are, it’s not going to be enough. And when it’s no longer enough, when what “should” be adequate fails, what do you end up doing?
You judge yourself.
You find yourself lacking, yet again, because your external solution did not solve your internal problem, when everyone is telling you it should work. So, if the solution works for everyone else, then it must be you that’s broken, right?
Wrong.
Because you know what, friend, it’s not working for everyone else. Everyone else also gets out of the bathroom, goes to their room, and still wants to pull the covers over their heads and try to pretend the issue doesn’t exist anymore.
You are comparing your blooper reels and outtakes to the ultra-finished, award-winning falsehoods of your peers.
As high-performers, we are driven to achieve everything within our sphere of potential. But what happens when you’re aware of the more, but don’t know how to attain it? Pure, unadulterated frustration. Agony. Judgment. Condemnation. Shame. Guilt. Anger. The list goes on.
But you’re supposed to be made content with a glass of bubbly and a bath?
It’s ludacrious! And even worse, it’s insulting, that your desires and drives can be “made all better” like a Band-Aid on your kid’s booboo.
Friend, you are a being made of Spirit, full of power, some of which you’ve tapped, and some you haven’t.
You know what self-care really is? It’s silence. It’s the courage to sit in the stillness, to embrace the void inside without fear.
And wait.
You wait, with expectation and hope like a child at Christmas. Because the answers, everything you need, is already inside of you. It’s been drowned out with social media, with music, with constant obligations, with your agenda, with your responsibilities, with all your “should dos.” Your soul has been waiting for you to show up, for you to embrace yourself, for you to find peace and acceptance in who you were made to be.
Wait with hope. Wait with curiosity. And do you know what shows up?
Joy. Not judgment.
That, my friend, is real self-care.